TEACHER'S FEEDBACK:
First writing of Sarah Yi. The objective of this blog is to fix her writing in two to three months.
CORRECTION:
ABOUT THE BOOK JORORI
In this story, Jorori is a very bad fox. He has assistants named Iysh and Nash. His assistants have bad brains and do everything wrongly. The story is about the wrong they were making.
The story is very funny so I like it. Children like it because of its humor.
COMMENTS:
This is a gist. It only answers the question what is Jorori book all about. No story were given by the author. The author has to know how to write the story development. It has nothing to do with grammar or vocabulary ability. It is about the processing of the mind. Writing is thinking in paper. Anyone who wants to write must learn to paint the thing in his mind through words and semantics.
Writing aesthetics came in second to the contents. Writing aesthetics or mechanics. First, content. What is the content of your writing? In fact, writing is being judged according to its content. No reader will waste time to read something that they would not get anything. The author or writer then must learn how to consider reader then.
Sarah is young. But as a young writer, she has to learn how to consider the reader.
When I was a young writer and writing as early as Grade Five, I was told by my writing coach then my Grade Five Teacher, Miss Araceli Peape that when I write I have to think what I want to hear. If it is not exciting for me then my writing is not good. I should be the first reader of my writing. As the first reader, I should appreciate what I have written. If not, go back and fix it. ^__^
"Are you happy on what you have written?" "No" "Then rewrite."
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ReplyDeleteSARAH'S WRITING TASK ONE - Complete the phase below then give your reason why you think so. Make at least 3 things that you believe make you special and give reasons why you think of that.
DeleteI am special because.......
l am special because l can do jump rope,right a letter and l can speak english so l am special
DeleteI am special because I can do jump rope very well. I can jump 100 loops in 30 minutes.
ReplyDeleteI am special because I can speak English well. Most of children at my age cannot speak English well in my country but I can.
I am special because .......
l am special because l can speak English very well.l can memorize English very well.l can memorize the book l read.l can read the book and memorize the book easily.l read the book name 'music making' and l memorize that book.my mom say "Good work sarah." so i think l am good in English.l went to read a another book and l want to here my mom say anther nice word.so that is the thing make me special.and make me happy.
ReplyDeleteCORRECTIONS
Delete1. You repeat the sentences 3 and 4. If you make this kind of sentences, Sarah, you need to make it better. How? You need to combine the two or select which one you are going to use.
I can memorize the book I read. I can read the book and memorize the book easily.
You can do it this way - I can read and memorize the book easily. It is not also hard to understand the books I read. I read the book entitled Musing Making and I memorize that book. My mom said, "Good work Sarah."
Did you see how I use "Good work, Sarah" We use " " to put the word of another person. We call that quote. When we quote what people say we use that symbol.
2. I went to read a another book and I want to here my mom say another nice word. so that is the thing make me special and me me happy.
I WANT TO READ ANOTHER BOOK AND I WANT TO HEAR MY MOM SAY ANOTHER NICE WORD.
Sarah, ANOTHER means AN OTHER. We know that A/An before an object, right? Other is an object and since it starts with letter O, we use AN. So, no need to use A before ANOTHER. Remember that.
SO, THAT IS THE THING THAT MAKES ME SPECIAL AND HAPPY.
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ReplyDelete1.If i have a hundred dollars.
ReplyDelete2.I will make a park,give the money to the charity.
3.l will give the money to the people who is sick.
4.make a business and make a lot of money and give it to the poor.
5.because l can't use all it(money) l will buy a book for the people is
in the library.
6.give a food to the poor.(by my self)
7.make a park
8.l'ii be the nice human.
9.that is the thing that i will do wean i have hundred dollars.
10.and now l will do the thing that l can do.
Imagine you had a hundred dollars, but you couldn't keep it. You had to give it away to a person or charity. Who would you give it to? What would you want them to do with it?
DeleteIf I have hundred dollars. I will make a park, give the money to the charity, give the mony to the peopl is sick. and I will do ather nice things and of cure i will buy a books for the library and make a lot of good chars of our city. and the money is left I will give the money to my friend. so i have a hundred dollars i will do this things and that is the things that i want to do wend I have a hundred dollars.
1. give the money to the charity -donate some of the money to charity (using X articles)
2. give the mony to the peopl is sick. - donate some of the money to sick people
(adjective before and after noun(
3. i will buy a books for the library - I will buy books for the library
(singular and plural of nouns and use of A/An)
4. make a lot of good chars of our city - I will make a lot of good things for our city.
(choice of words)
5. the money is left I will give the money to my friend. - the
If I have hundred dollars, I will make a park, give the money to the charity, give the money to the people is sick and I will do other nice things and of course I will buy books for the library and make a lot of good chores of our city. And the money is left, I will give the money to the friend. So I have hundred dollars I will do this tings and that is the things that I want to do when I have a hundred dollars.
MR. KLUTZ IS NUTS
ReplyDeleteToday, I read a book entitled Mr. Klutz is Nuts!.
It is really funny because it is all about Mr. Klutz
and his nuttiness. Do you want to know why everyone
in the book was talking about Mr. Klutz' nuttiness?
Mr. Klutz sometimes challenged kids and sometimes
he did weird challenges. Like he would kiss a pig on a
lip. Or, he bungee jumped off the school roof dressed like Santa Claus. Now you would know why everybody
call him nuts. And AJ and his friend wanted to make a promise to not bungee jump off roof of the school. But he
still wanted to do it. So, AJ and his friend made a promise. If he bungee jump of theschool roof, AJ and his
friend would not do math and read books. So, he change his mind and never bungee jump off the school roof again.
But some kids didn't like that idea. So Mr. Klutz said if we reach our goal we will have a field trip to the Water World and that is the end of the story of Mr. Klutz is Nuts!
KOREA'S FOUR SEASONS
ReplyDeleteToday, I will tell you about
Korea's four seasons.
Korea has important four seasons.
First season is spring. Spring is
a nice season because it has bees,
flowers, trees and butterflies.
So, I think spring is so nice.
Second is summer. Summer is nice
because we can go to the swimming
pool, wear sunglasses and eat ice
cream. And there is something
more about summer, the sun. Yes,
we cannot miss the sun because
without the sun there will be no
summer.
Third is fall. Fall is my
favorite season because when it is fall, it is my birthday
So, it is very important to me. No fall, no birthday.
Last is winter. We can't miss
winter. No winter means no
snowman or snow. So, we cannot
miss winter. We miss winter, we
miss Christmas. We can't miss
Santa Claus. More, more, more,
more presents.
And that is the only thing I could
say about Korea's four seasons.
KOREA'S FOUR SEASONS
Today, I will tell you about
Korea's four seasons.
Korea has important four seasons.
First season is spring. Spring is
a nice season because it has bees,
flowers, trees and butterflies.
So, I think spring is so nice.
Second is summer. Summer is nice
because we can go to the swimming
pool, wear sunglasses and eat ice
cream. And there is something
more about summer, the sun. Yes,
we cannot miss the sun because
without the sun there will be no
summer.
Third is fall. Fall is my
favorite season because when it is fall, it is my birthday
So, it is very important to me. No fall, no birthday.
Last is winter. We can't miss
winter. No winter means no
snowman or snow. So, we cannot
miss winter. We miss winter, we
miss Christmas. We can't miss
Santa Claus. More, more, more,
more presents.
And that is the only thing I could
say about Korea's four seasons.
My Friends in Amy English
ReplyDeleteOne friend I have in Amy English is Elsa. Elsa is very nice. But sometimes, Elsa is very scary. She is scary because when we were not nice to her she would be very made. But I like her because she is very nice. When we need help, she comes and helps us. That is my friend, Elsa.
The second friend is Cindy. Cindy is very kind. But sometimes, Cindy is really strong. When somebody needs help, she always come to help. She is like a superheroine. That is my friend Cindy.
The third is Isabella. She is a super nice friend in the world. Super nice because other friends are not like her. She is funny and nice. She gives the things to others. So that's why I like her. She is really nice. And, that is a true friend.
The fourth Amy English friend of mine is Julia. Julia is so nice friend. Julia and I are cousins. We know each other since we were kids. So, my cousin/friend Julia and I are very nice with each other. I like her when she has candies and she shares them with me. But she never gives candy to anyone but me. I do the same thing. I give Julia shares of my candies as well. My cousin Julia and I are best friend in the world.
ReplyDeleteMy fifth friend in Amy English is my mom. My mom works in Amy English. And she told me that if I want to be good at something, I must practice. So I did it. And now I could be good in English.
So, if you want to be good at something follow my motto, " Study the past so you could define the future."
About Flute
ReplyDeleteIf you want to know how to play flute first you have to start by making your mouth have a perfect O shape. You need to keep on practicing until you sound like the recorder. If the sound is really good, it would sound like the recorder. Then you would need to clean up.
This is how to clean up the flute. First, pull the head of the flute. Second, pull the body of the flute. Third, pull the leg. Then clean it up and put them back together were they belong.
Then make sure that you keep the flute safely since it is very expensive.
The end.
My Friends and I in a Saturday Afternoon
ReplyDeleteToday, I went to the library with my friends, Julia, Chloe, Isabela and Cindy. We made a nice 'Post It' case. Mine is a small square colorful floral Post It case. It turned out to be a very pretty case.
After making my case, I helped my friends finish theirs.
When all of us were done with our cases, we tried to read books. But, we could not find funny one. So, we decided to go to Julia's house and played hide and seek until Isabela arrived from the library. We went in-line skating after the hide and seek in the playground. We saw pretty flowers.
After seeing the pretty flowers, we went to my father's academy. There was a DD Chicken smell in the academy. We kept on smelling it until we need to leave because time was gone. Day was done in my father's academy.
Mahatma Gandhi
ReplyDeleteGandhi is from India. He is one of the famous person. He is like a politican in India. He is also like a king or we could call him the father of India. He is like Lincoln of the United States of America.
Gandhi tried very hard to help people. He has done a lot of illegal things in the name of helping others. But, he was a nice man. No one could ever be like him. And, Gandhi did all these things for his friends and Indian family. I saw what he has done and I was so surprised because he has done all of those in the name of love. So, he became the father of India.
Someone reading this writing must want to be like Mahatma Gandhi.
My Daily Routine
ReplyDeleteI wake up around 7:30 and have breakfast. My breakfast is the Korean morning rice which means prepared by mother at home since I eat lunch rice with my pack lunch in school.
I go to school at 8:00. In the school, I play with my friends and study with my friends as well. Later in a day, I go to the orchestra for rehearsal. I am playing flute in the school orchestra.
After school, I go to my father's academy. I try to study hard and concentrate on the lessons. I study math, English, science and more. I was able to do it well with my teachers saying I did very well.
I go home at 6:00 or 7:00 with my mom and Carlson. My dad stays in the academy longer. When we arrive at home, I do my homeworks. I eat dinner anytime I want it or after my homework. I also watch TV with Carlson. Or, sometimes Carlson and I just play together.
I go to bed at around 9:00.
MRS. ROOPY IS LOOPY
ReplyDeleteToday, I read about Mrs. Roopy Is Loopy!
Mrs. Roopy is really a kind librarian. But she does weird things like she dresses up in costumes. She will confuse you of whether she is a boy or a girl. A he or a she. So, AJ's friends Ryan, Emily, Michael and Andrea would try to find out if it is really Mrs. Roopy in costumes. But there was only way to solve that problem. To see Mr. Roopy's tattoo. The real Mrs. Roopy has a tattoo on her belly button. AJ and his friends found out that Mrs. Roopy was just all dressed up in costumes. The friends found out that Mrs. Roopy is dressing in a costume to help AJ like books.
If we have that kind of a librarian, I would like him or her and we would be friends because he or she is very kind and nice.
SPRING
ReplyDeleteSpring is the favorite season of my family. It is very nice. There are bees, flowers, honey, nice weather and green trees.
There are very nice things. No one would hate spring.
Spring is nice. It is perfect especially to my family. Nice flowers like roses, tulips, azaleas and dandelion. This flowers and flower trees are my family's favorite.
When you go to spring party, you will see these beautiful flowers and trees. You can take beautiful pictures in spring from March to May.
No one could be luckier than me since we have four special seasons.
Birthday Party
ReplyDeleteToday, we had a birthday party for everyone celebrating their birthday for March and April. We had friends who are celebrators. So, all of us in the school got a snack. And, we had a birthday party like a snack party. We wrote letters to all of those celebrating.One card for each.
My teacher said that Chocopie would be the birthday cake. So, the each celebrator ate chocopie.Celebrators ate yummy cake and blew the candles. It was great because my friends and I shared each others snacks. We all had nice and fun time together. And the person who got a letter was so happy. I think what made them happy was they got letters from all of us.
If I have a letter like that, the first letter I would read is my best friend's letter because it is my best friend.
FICTIONS AND NON FICTIONS
ReplyDeleteHello, my name is Sarah. Today, I would like to introduce fictions and non fictions.
First, I would like to tell you about fictions. Fictions are made on stories. Winnie, the Witch or Mrs. Roopy is Loopy is an example of fiction. My favorite books is Mrs. Roopy is Loopy because it is fun and exciting.
Second, I would like to tell you about non-fiction. Non-fictions are based on facts. Gandih or Gimgoo is an example of non-fiction. My favorite books is about animal because when I look at the non-fiction book I could have lots of imaginations. So that I love non-fiction books. This is my imagination about non-fiction and fiction. Thank you for reading my writing.
FICTIONS AND NON FICTIONS
ReplyDeleteHello, my name is Sarah. Today, I would like to introduce fictions and non fictions.
First, I would like to tell you about fictions. Fictions are made on stories. Winnie, the Witch or Mrs. Roopy is Loopy is an example of fiction. My favorite books is Mrs. Roopy is Loopy because it is fun and exciting.
Second, I would like to tell you about non-fiction. Non-fictions are based on facts. Gandih or Gimgoo is an example of non-fiction. My favorite books is about animal because when I look at the non-fiction book I could have lots of images. So that I love non-fiction books. This is what I can say about non-fiction and fiction. Thank you for reading my writing.
Watery World
ReplyDeleteApril 25, 2014
Watery world is important to everyone. If we do not have watery world, the earth would be ruin. So we need watery world. You could not see the animals that live in the watery world. The animals that live in watery world are crabs, octopus and there are more that I could think of. So we should save the watery world.
If you want to know about watery world, you could find that on books and the internet to find more images. If you don't have anything to find about watery world you could ask your mother and father or somebody who knows about watery world. If you cannot find from the internet and books,ask somebody you know who knows may things about watery world.
Kid's Day
ReplyDeleteApril 29, 2014
Today, we drew or write about Kid's Day. I drew about when it is Kid's Day we get present from our parents. And in that drawing, there was Cindy, my friend. She was riding a 'skycongcong' and she said 'my parents give it to me' and she jumped and jumped to her home. I wish it was real but it was just my imagination.
I want a bag that is from "The Day Girls" becasue it is nice and pretty. Some of my friends said, if there was no Kid's Day they would cry because there is Parent's day and why there is no Kid's Day and everybody smiled. Some of the kids like my thought like this "the Kid's Day is for sharing and giving. When it is Kid's day I would do waht I wrote.